the Language of Blessing

Recently I have been doing some theological wrestling! Back in September/ early October an encounter started me out on a journey. Two years ago whilst I was in Lancaster I was given a car. It came from the family of a supernumerary- who had recently died- they had no use for it and said to the Superintendent to give it to someone whose ministry it’d enhance. So the Superintendent asked would I appreciate it- it was a great gift and I saw it as a blessing from God and God providing for my needs. Indeed it did help with foundation training and with my preaching appointments. As some people know I am not the worlds best passenger in the mornings, this was sometimes a challenge- arriving after having been driven round the twists and turns out into the Lune Valley! So having a car meant I didn’t arrive at preaching appointments feeling sick and also meant that I was able to have freedom on my placement- especially with visiting in Silverdale. So I saw my car as provided by God- providing for my needs.

Any way so back early in my time in London, I was asked one night if I would sit outside the shower room in MCH whilst a homeless person used the shower. The woman clearly hadn’t had a shower in weeks and asked was it possible to have one. So without any time to prepare I was sitting outside one of the bathrooms. If I had known in advance I would have had a book to read. But the experience made me stop, think and be challenged.
I had, had 2 showers on this particular day. I began by looking at how fortunate I was- how blessed by God I was. I’d had 2 showers that day and had access to clean water, to showers without having to ask anybody, I could use them with dignity- not having to plead with someone to use their shower. As I sat, I thought- however if I am blessed by God then why should I be blessed by God and not others- EVERYONE ever created I believe is made in the image of God and is a child loved by God. So why therefore do I have the basic necessities that I need to live and not others- ok some people would say well you don’ t need a shower to survive- well no- but at the same time- people are actually dying on the streets of London because they have no shelter.
So I was challenged how do I handle my experience of God as provider and loving all people side by side? Especially in the light of this experience. I wrestled and asked lots of questions- at the moment I conclude that God provides for the world in the widest sense of the word- it is thus important that Christians engage seriously themselves and encourage others to consider what they have, how they steward it and share with those less fortunate, as well as engaging politically with social justice campaigns- to create change. Stewardship is often spoken of- that we might be a blessing to others.
(At some point I’ll add the flow chart I made to work through the issue).
So yes God blesses- but not in some kind of magical way! For too long I think I’ve been in fantasy land! God blessed the world- in creation, in his omnipresence- but God also gave stewardship and free will to humanity. I think there is also the bigger question of how we look at blessing- here its been very focussed on the material things needed for life. Yes perhaps this is wrong- but there are certain things that we do need for life, that a lot of people don’t have.

Following this and being aware that often in the congregations I am in there is the presence of those less fortunate materially- I have also been challenged on the language used about blessing in worship. Especially with reference to the offertory prayer: So often these are done extemporarily and make sweeping comments about God giving us all that we need. How when we make such sweeping comments do we include those who are on the margins of society? This is part of a much wider debate on language and inclusion- it isn’t just masculine/feminine language that is an issue!

As well as developing my understanding on Blessing, the experience has challenged me on a number of areas-
A) to be more aware of sweeping comments we make- they can sometimes be excluding and don’t necessarily express what we really mean when considered in depth.
B) To ask the basic questions of things!
C) Rather than just inheriting and excepting lots of teaching and theology- that what I believe is made my own- that is specific rather than so sweeping and broad!

it's back AGAIN

Well after being back in London for 7 day I was signed off ill again on Monday. Last week was busy and emotionally draining. I went for my Guy Chester Centre days on Friday and Saturday. Didn't feel great whilst I was there- put it down to tiredness- but I felt quite uncomfortable and in pain. On Sunday night I really felt lousy again-looked at my throat and some white lumps had begun to appear again. Was set to work on Monday but when I got up on Monday morning felt lousy. With a lot of pain in my throat- so torch out again- could see lots more white lumps. So I went to the Dr's on Monday morning- she looked and said "that's the most spectacular sore throat I've seen in weeks." So she gave me another lot of antibiotics for tonsillitis and signed me off for at least a week and said I need to see a Dr again if I don't improve. Had spoken to Mum before she went to work- she said if I was signed off to come home. So I came home to Cambridge on Monday afternoon- have laid on the sofa and barely moved since. Am feeling very tired and still don't feel great- but today can at least move my arms and legs without them hurting too!
My main diet this week has consisted of trifle, ice cream and lucozade!

Any way a mid this- I've received an e-mail from connexion to talk about next academic year. So they are asking me to consider applying for the Candler School of theology exchange in Atlanta. This had been mentioned before. I have some questions and uncertainties- but connexion think it'd help my experience of multi-culture. So we will see, am hoping to talk to my supervisor and accompanists at Guy Chester centre soon. Its all a bit crazy- lots of people are saying great opportunity- I say I'd like some continuity in my training! Other wise I will have had four years in four places. The final decision won't be made till 20th May which seems a long way off! Guess I'll see where God leads!

any way, need some more rest

another prayer

Am back in London- its been a busy week.
Yesterday the hospital was a difficult day but it was a privilege at the same time. One particular verse of a song has come to mind as central to the role of the hospital chaplain and yesterday seemed to me to be a reality, holding hands as a reassurance as comfort is something that happens quite often in chaplaincy and they are special moments and are a real privilege.

"I will hold the Christ-light for you
in the night-time of your fear;
I will hold my hand out to you,
speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping;
when you laugh I’ll laugh with you;
I will share your joy and sorrow
till we’ve seen this journey through." (Richard Gillard )

Here is a prayer too, which I was inspired with yesterday and used,it will form part of a resource pack I'm doing for my hospital chaplaincy placement.


Hold our hands Lord,
Walk with us Lord.
Hold our hands Lord,
We’re walking in uncertainty,
Hold our hands Lord,
This time is hard.
Hold our hands Lord,
Reassure us of your love.
For all of us at this time.
Hold our hands Lord,
As we journey on through the coming hours and days,
Let us know you are here with us.
Hold our hands Lord,
Through the darkness of night,
Bring us the light of your hope.
Hold our hands Lord,
For you are faithful and promise to be with us always,
Whatever happens.
Hold our hands Lord.

“Who do people say I am?”

To Simon and Andrew, the fishermen.
Jesus was the man who called them to follow him and he would make them fish for people.

To the paralytic man brought to Jesus on his mat.
Jesus was the man who forgave his sin and told him to get up and take his mat home.

To the Phoenician woman who pleaded with Jesus to heal her daughter.
Jesus was the challenger, challenging the barriers within the society.

To Jarius’ daughter who was dead.
Jesus was the hope and life, calling her back to life.

To the boy in the crowd at the feeding of the 5,000.
Jesus was the acceptor, accepting what he could offer and transforming it.

To the deaf and mute man.
Jesus was the liberator, enabling him to hear and speak.

To the children brought to Jesus.
Jesus was the acceptor in accepting who they were, as they were

To Zachaeus the tax collector.
Jesus was the only person who would be his friend.

To all Jesus made a difference and was significant.
Today Jesus can make a difference in our lives and the lives of those around us, will we help demonstrate the significance of Jesus today?

They all came

A call to worship I wrote a while ago, but thought I'd share it here.

“The Bible is full of stories and narrative where people came to Jesus for different things, to be healed, to be fed, to be taught. This mornings theme is thinking about coming to God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Coming to God from where we are to share with God the way we are feeling and where we are at. I want us to begin just by hearing some words, reflecting on the scene at the feeding of the 5,000. It was here that people had to come to hear the words of Jesus and were fed spiritually and physically. “


They all came,
Flocking in their thousands.

They all came,
Young and old.
Men and women.

They all came,
Looking up to Jesus.
An example,
A way to live.

They all came,
To listen,
To learn.

They all came,
To be taught,
To be challenged.

They all came,
To be comforted,
To confront.

They came as they were.
They offered what they had.

They came, they were fed.
They came, they were filled.

They came sharing in fellowship,
They cared for each other.

They came in their thousands,
They left changed people.

They all came,
They were fed,
Fed spiritually,
Fed physically.

They came to see Jesus,
Jesus met them there.

We now come,
Old and young.
Men and women.

We now come,
Looking for Jesus,
An example,
A way of life.

We now come,
To listen,
To learn.

We now come,
To be fed,
To be nurtured.

We now come,
To share,
To care.

We now come as we are,
To offer what we have.
That it might be transformed.

We now come,
Jesus meets us here.

Tonsilitis and a long journey home

Well a good week back in London, Monday morning I wake up with a sore throat! Great- tuesday wake up and feel even worse, sore throat, neck, glands up so I decided I didn't think i'd manage a day at the day centre. Spent until 5 in bed- don't think i've ever quite done this before. Late on Tuesday night I found my torch- looked in my throat and decided perhaps I ought to see a doctor. SO I found a local Dr on NHS direct website and phoned them yesterday morning. Went and saw the Dr, he took one look told me to close my mouth, not to speak and gave me some strong antibiotics. Apparently I am highly contagious. He said I'll give you a sick note- didn't think that was neccessary but suffice it to say I am off ill. Working with people who are vulnerable means they are probably even more seceptable to illness!
When I spoke to Mum she said it'd make sense to be at home. So yesterday evening- once the trains are usually quieter from Kings Cross to Cambridge, I went to get a train to discover there was signal failure at Kings Cross. So people were being sent to Liverpool St- great apart from the Underground was so overcrowded the police had closed it off. Didn't feel like the underground and thought well if need be I can go home tommorow. Trains eventually started again, but only 3 trains coming in per hour. They couldn't guarantee when another train would go to Cambridge- if it would even be last night. So after 2 1/2 hours of waiting I rang Mum and Dad and agreed if I got to Stevenage they'd fetch me from there! Thank God for parents like mine! 4 1/2 hours it took from leaving my room to getting home! On a journey I can usually do in an hour.
So am home now, drugged up and resting. Don't know whether my voice has improved from yesterday- no one to talk to at present. So it maybe a quiet household again tonight! Am hoping when Mum gets home from work She will make me some triffle! A regular food for when I have tonsilitis! This bout of tonsilitis is my second since November. Its crazy I've had more time off between November and now than in my entire degree.

One of the questions asked often in theological training is where is God in all this... currently thinking on where God was in all the chaos of last night! Will blog about it soon.

Back to Work!

This week has been I think one of the busiest weeks I have had in London!
Last Sunday morning it was great to share in the Annual Covenant Service. It was here at Kings Cross- there were only 4 of us- but I was reminded how what we are doing is part of the much bigger picture- we can say it here with just a few of us- yet there are thousands of Methodist's (and others!) who say the words of the Covenant Prayer at the begining of the New Year. For me I found myself reflecting upon the words and the impact they have upon our lives a weeks prior to this- remembering the commitment I had made last year- which were still coming into completeness as 2007 drew to a close.

"I am no longer my own, but yours.
Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will;
Put me to doing; put me to suffering;
Let me be employed for you or laid aside for you,
Exalted for you, or brought low for you;

Let me be full, let me be empty;
Let me have all things, let me have nothing;
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to your pleasure and disposal.

And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am yours. So be it.

And the covenant made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen."

Before Christmas sometimes being in London was challenging- yet I had pledged myself to go where God sent! SO as I said these words this year I was aware that in just 5 months time- God willing the Methodist Church will send me to theological college- I was looking ahead to that, as well as being aware of the more immediate commitment I was making.

The words are powerful, demanding and challenging!

The week continued to be busy, I started work in another of our social projects with alcoholics, I was at the hospital for my day a week. Also helped with the Night Shelter which is hosted at Kings Cross one night a week during the first 3 months of the year.

I had missed not working in my two weeks off and am pleased to be back again. Part of my placement this year that has been helpful in my discernment is working as a hospital chaplain one day a week. Having not been at the hospital for several weeks I was shattered by the end, but gain so much. Its a privillege to be able to take Holy Communion to people (its reserved sacrament). I receive so much from what people share within the hospital. Part of this discernment is helping me to think about where my longer term ministry may lie. One of the good things about Methodism is the way that it can combine circuit work and chaplaincy together!

Has been a really good week- I went home for just over a day too! Then have led worship today at Hinde Street and taught the Senior School Children of the Chinese church today. Was great to be with them- we are looking at prayer during January. so today we looked at the Lord's prayer- the teenagers then wrote some of their own! Including a chav version! Very interesting.

Any way, tonight there is a house meal and meeting! So best go! Will update soon!

New Year!

It's been a while since updating my blog- So HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Part of the reason that I was away for a week and then in at the deep end with work!
Last time I posted I had just arrived home for Christmas. Christmas was good- Church in the morning and then 15 people at my parents house for dnner! Was good fun and great to all be together! Even if I had only had 4 hours sleep! I still get excited at my age!

Any way just after Christmas I headed up to Lancaster for 6 days, for new year. It was great to see people and catch up with people. New Years Eve itself I spent with some university friends- we gathered, ate, played games, shared favourite moments of 2007 and hopes for 2008. I miss my university friends! New Years day morning (as in 5:30am!) some of my friends decided it would be good to climb a hill in the Lake District- so after 3 hours sleep we all got up, sorted and headed for the Lakes! It was dark and rainy. The hill that my friends Jez and Adam had thought we would climb turned out to be impossible because of poor visibility. So we chatted for a bit and then instead we drove down to Lake Windermere and walked around part of that- still crazy o'clock in the morning! We also prayed for one another and for 2008. Although it was extremely early, grey and drizzly it was good to start the year this way. The picture here was taken on our walk! Then it was back to where Lois and Ali's (friends who I stayed with for 4 nights). There we played DUTCH BLITZ! A favourite card game of mine! I hadn't played it for a while, so it was good to play again.
I spent an evening with some other friends! How crazy they are! We were all very hyperactive on sugar and am looking forward to seeing them all again at Spring Harvest! Five days of complete craziness!
I finished off my time in Lancaster by visiting the Charman family- Steve was my mentor last year, Jennie was a colleague in Junior Church and Hannah and Peter were both in my Junior Church class.
Was great to be able to catch up with people again, I miss Lancaster very much.

Another great thing whilst I was in Lancaster was the air! Over the past few months I have had a cough- a result of my asthma- whilst in Lancaster my asthma seemed to be really good. Back in London- it seems to not be so good again!

So it was back to Cambridge on the Saturday, out for a meal with a friend then back to London early on Sunday morning!

Ready for work!